Lord, Calm My Waters

Be still, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)

My wife tells me I'm awkwardly still. While other people gesture and move around in conversation, I'm statue-like. That's probably awkward. But while I am still physically, the waters of my soul rage within me. I hunger for something, and my mind races to catch it.

The pace of life can toss me around. Too often I let it, floating in its churn. Though I am happy, I know there is something my heart needs which I have only sampled.

Are you with me?

Broken Shadows

I could not calm him down. He thrashed and flailed and cried and ran out of his room as I pleaded with him. Then I yelled at him. The house was quiet and dark except for the cacophony of voices coming from my son’s room. I remember my blood boiling and my voice raising as I demanded he stay in his room. But what I remember more vividly—or should I say, despairingly—was the conviction that my sorry attempt at fathering Liam was nowhere close to how God fathers me.

I hope he forgets my failings.

When I was a kid, I’d climb in my dad’s lap and wrestle with him. I remember his arms, tan and strong and capable. I remember camping trips and my first bird hunt. I remember his lengthy sermonettes when my sister and I would do something stupid—which was pretty often. I remember the good things. I’m fairly sure I have the best dad in the history of the world, but I know he isn’t Jesus. I know he made mistakes. He tells me as much.

A Truth So Deep You Can't Explain It

If someone were to ask me why I am I Christian, I could give several answers. I could explain the historical validity of the Bible, I could argue the necessity for a creator in this beautifully complicated world, or I could share my testimony. All valid.

The truth of the matter is that if I really spoke from my heart, I'd want to tell them how I know because, well, I know. I know Jesus more intimately than I know anyone or anything, yet I've never met him. It is hard to explain. You see, I know him down deep within my soul - and words don't come easy from there.